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Numbers 101
Copyright 2005 by Ralph. All rights
reserved. So there!
Words or Numerals
Write out
all numbers between one and sixty-seven point three two, with
THIRTY-FOUR to FORTY-SIX set in small caps. For numbers above
sixty-seven point three two, numerals should be used,
preferably Arabic, though Lydian numerals look stylish with
certain oldstyle typefaces. (Call your Adobe dealer today to
order your copy of Garamond with Lydian numerals.)
Note that numbers like twenty-one through
twenty-nine, thirty-one through THIRTY-NINE, etc., are hyphenated unless they
are set as numerals, in which case hyphenating them would
make them look like CB jargon: "Two-niner, Charlie, what's
your two-four? (2-9, 2-4) Wanna eight-six at Joe's Truck Stop at
six-ten? (8-6, 6-10)"
Once again, for numbers above
sixty-seven point three two, use numerals.
In all, 90 leading Republicans were eaten in the
tragedy.
The real estate agent said we would get a
ninety-nine-year lease, but then again, so did Hong
Kong.
And the Lord toldeth Noah to build the ark at 4,066
cubits by twelve feet by FORTY-ONE
noses and to put the whole thing on his Visa
card.
Spell out most numbers in dialogue, instead of using Arab
numerals, unless of course the dialogue is in Arabic, in which
case you should not be using an English style
guide.
He sang, "One hundred twenty-three thousand, two hundred
ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred
twenty-three . . ."
"99 qannineh beera . . ."
Round Numbers
Round numbers are 3, 6,
8, 9, and 0, and any combination thereof, whereas straight or
square numbers are 1 and 7. The numbers 2 and 5 are in
between. If you need to pick up a style guide to learn this,
then you probably should not be in a line of work where you
have to deal with either numbers or words. (In fact, you
probably should not be in a line of work where you have to use
sharp objects such as pens and pencils, but that is beyond the
scope of this guide.)
Simple
Numbers
Simple numbers—numbers that can be
written in two words—should always be deleted from serious
scientific text. No number of true scientific value can be
written in two words.
So we see that when the mixture is heated to
degrees Fahrenheit, you must stand at least
feet away. . . .
The members of the Physics Society were
delighted by the outcome: Dallas , Minnesota .
So by adding the square root of X to MC cubed, you can
see that it is, in fact, now " bottles of beer on the
wall."
Square Numbers
Numbers that would
require three or more words if written out, should be so
written out if the copyediting fee includes typing charged by
the word or letter. If, however, the pay is hourly, then these
numbers should be represented in artistic graphic format,
painted across the entire page—with a toothpick.
Excessive Use
of Numbers
Excessive use of numbers in running
text, it is said, will "cluster thickly," leading to possible
blood clots and brain damage, and should therefore be avoided
at all costs. At very least, the copyediting fees should be
adjusted. Your author/production editor bargained for a copy
editor, not a rocket scientist.
Cadsbury decided to quantify the worth of the
various congressional committees by adding together the ages
of their members: ——Unfortunately, IBM would not lend him
the supercomputer needed to solve the equation.
Exceptionally Large Numbers
Numbers in
the millions, billions, etc., should be put both in written
words and in numerals, preceded by a dollar sign, upon a legal
instrument made out to the name and bank account listed
below.
Ralph
Ralph's Manual of StyLe
Remittance Number (RN): TPE003-96-9696969 (which looks
really nifty in Lydian numerals)
Exceptionally Small Numbers
If numbers
seem simply too small to be significant, delete them, and be
sure not to tell the author. Should the author not notice their
omission, you know you have provided an extra service and can
add a couple of hours' time onto your bill without feeling
guilty (and probably without getting caught).
The copy editor looked at his paycheck and said,
"Well, there's another —— in the bank."
Using Deep Blue, Cadsbury tallied the total intelligence
of his subject committee to a whopping ——. And he did not
include in the data input, the —— percent reduction in spending or the ——
bills passed during the year.
Zero
In ancient times,
people got along just fine without zero. A good copy editor
will remember the existentialist's definition of reality: "It
only exists if it exists in your mind."
So do your authors and your readers a favor: delete
zeros wherever possible
The people
who would argue with this, the rationalists, will point out
that zero—which is, after all, nothing—does, in fact,
exist. It is this kind of logic that allows doctors, lawyers,
and accountants to live in Beverly Hills (usually by adding a lot of zeros in key places). (Incidentally, tax
accountants are famous for deleting zeros off certain types of
documents, though for some reason they are afraid to admit
it.)
As
for matters of style and such questions as 0 vs. o, zeros vs.
zeroes, zero vs. oh, oh vs. O, and O vs. the Giant Yellow Flabber Monster, the great English
playwright William Shakespeare summed it up best with his famous
words "Much Ado About Nothing (zero)."
We must also remember that ink is
a type of pollutant, and we, as rational human beings caring
for an already-sick planet, should not use ink where it is
unnecessary—and how necessary is it to use ink on
nothing!
Therefore, depending
on house style, it is prudent to delete all zeros from a
manuscript, but do so in such a way that the author will not
find out. A good copy editor will try hard to spare the author
unnecessary stress, and most authors (obviously) know nothing
about the harmful effects of ink on our environment.
Furthermore, most of them think that what they are writing is
actually somehow important and that multitudes of people are
lining up at bookstores and newsstands to read their wit.
Exceptionally hard-nosed writers, particularly those in the
economics and business fields, are even likely to think that
the scores of zeros in their text are in some way
beneficial.
So be smart.
Quickly and quietly [the two Qs] get rid of all those nasty
little zeros while no one is looking. See the examples
below.
The population of Taiwan is 23,
, a figure nearly four times higher than
Hong Kong's 6, , and Singapore's 3,
, .
The balance due is $13, 4,1 . (Think about how
happy you'll make people!)
9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9
bottles . . .
First Word in
a Sentence
Didn't your mother ever teach you
that it is impolite to start out talking business?! Polite
society requires small talk and it is no different with
sentences. Therefore, all numbers appearing at the beginning
of a sentence, whether they should be set in numerals or
spelled out, should be deleted, regardless of any grammatical
problems or logic errors this might create.
was a good year.
bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-seven
bottles of beer . . .
dollars
was my final offer!
End-of-Line
Division
Numbers must never be divided at the
end of a line. They may be added, subtracted, or multiplied,
but never, ever divided. In addition, when you are in serious
trouble and there is little or nothing left to do, that is,
when you are at the end of the line, stick together. Safety in
numbers and all that.
WRONG: The sign says, "nuclear device," and this
clock here reads--run!
RIGHT: The sign says, "nuclear device," and this
clock here reads--hold hands and run!
Consistency
Learn from the
doctor, learn from the lawyer, learn from the accountant:
Consistency is easy to comprehend and follow, and should,
therefore, be avoided at all costs.
Remember, doctors, lawyers, and
accountants have homes in Beverly Hills and spend their
Sundays on their yachts, whereas most copy editors live in New
Jersey and spend their Sundays trying to remember where they
parked their cars the night before (which usually turns out to
be somewhere in southern Pennsylvania).
Doctors and lawyers speak in a
modern version of the extinct language Latin, a version which
would confuse Cicero. Accountants, who manage the finances of
doctors and lawyers and other rich people, had to go one step
further and invent their own language, which even doctors and
lawyers could not understand.
The lesson here is that if what you do
looks easy to understand, the people who pay you are going to
wonder what it is they are paying for. If, on the other hand,
they cannot grasp a word that comes out of your mouth, they
are going to think you are a genius and will not blink when
you tell them to get out their checkbooks. So avoid
consistency wherever possible.
4 scoreandseven yr. ago,
men and--yes, they had to bring them-- females
began to
boldly GO where no poodles
h a d . . .
Scientific
Usage: Measurements
For
mathematical, technical, and scientific text, and for text and
tabular matter related to business, accounting, and economics
(particularly that using government data), round out all
decimals to the nearest 0.333 and all whole numbers to the
nearest number containing seventeen. Technical people
love a joke.
To prevent the reactor from
exploding, allow exactly 117.333 pounds of pressure per
square . . .
The Fed says interest rates will rise 17.333
percent.
Apply no more than 1,117 volts of electricity . . .
Expect a high of 117 and a low of 117 tomorrow . .
.
"Noah, build the ark 10,117 cubits by . . ."
"bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred seventeen
bottles of beer . . ."
Figures
Exceptionally
good figures should be rendered neither in numerals nor in
words, for beauty can neither be quantified nor explained.
Exceptionally good figures should be expressed in photos
(worth a thousand words, after all) and ideally be accompanied
by names and phone numbers and sent to the e-mail address for
this site.
Figures That Are Numbers
Mindful that large figures in general are the realm of
accountants, the IRS, and people who tally doctor and lawyer
bills, the copy editor should give them special treatment in
text. Try this: For all numbers between a negative 3.5 billion
and a positive 222, move them to the rear of the particular
publication and scatter them among six or more pages. For
those above positive 222, add 112 and delete the seventh word
to the left. Finally, be sure to send a large bill to whoever
wrote the text, because it was probably a doctor, a lawyer, or
an accountant.
(Note that
trillion once had the same meaning as
zillion—that is, "a number too large to be truly
conceived or counted" . . . until the United States government
owed one. It now owes several. That's
progress!)
Nonscientific
Usage:Measurements
In common text, measurements
should be treated differently depending upon how much the
author is paying. Also, since it is nonscientific text that
you are working with, there is no reason to take any of the
measurements seriously.
Some of
the more common nonscientific measurements include
approximating feet by measuring with old tennis shoes and
describing height in such terms as "up to my nose" and "up to
her knee." Unless the author is paying exceptionally well,
these measurements should be deleted, along with the
surrounding paragraphs, lest their omission be
noticeable.
Now Old Sam knew he was no rocket scientist, but
he reckoned there had to be some way of getting the sofa out
of the tree without killing the cow, so he used his bottle
of Jim Beam to measure the altitude of the sofa, which he
would then compare to that of the cow. . . .
Abbreviations
Official-looking numbers
can be made to look even more official if they are used with
abbreviations, the abbreviations not only following, but
preceding, as well. The enterprising copy editor will feel
free to spice up number-heavy text with an assortment of
abbreviations.
Add 2 tblspns. butt., 2 cps. mlk., an' 1.00017
frn. lce; pt. in ovn. an' bk. for 4 hrs.
4 scr. N. 7 yrs. A-go-go, 2 B.R. not 2 B.
[dl. 911; sent. bgn. w/no.]
95 bttls. br. on wl., 95 bttls. br., tk. 1 dwn., ps. it
arnd., 94 bttls. br. on wl. [dl. 911; sent.
bgn. w/no.]
Use of
Commas
What do you see when you see four or
more numbers without commas— 5554530912883? What you
see is just a mess of numbers. Now add commas after every
three digits—5,554,530,912,883. What you see here, of course,
is a mess of numbers with commas added.
The fact is, aside from Bill
Gates and the Sultan of Bahrain, no one can actually fathom
amounts so large that they require commas, so the whole drill
is senseless from the start. However, no one wants either Bill
Gates or the Sultan of Bahrain to know this, so it is
suggested that you put commas—and no spaces—between every
three digits in such figures. Thus, when people are in
the same room as Bill Gates or the Sultan of Bahrain, they can
squint at the figures and then nod their heads and say, "Ahhh,
thank God for commas. That's a lot."
9,851
10,10X was all I had. [Sent. beg. w/ no. ;dl. 911.]
XIII,CMXCIII,DCXLVII,I
Imagine how long it would take to sing 9,999 bottles of
beer on the wall.
Imagine how long it would take to drink 9,999
bottles of beer on the wall!
Interestingly, the British assign a new word (million, billion, trillion) to every six digits instead of every three, and so the American billion is to the British a thousand million. This is how the American Revolution was won. Colonial moneychangers broke the British army as they climbed off their boats, eager as the British were to do some duty-free shopping before the fighting began.
The Chinese traditionally assign a new word (wan, yi, zhao) to every four digits, and to further confuse foreigners, write those numbers out in Chinese characters.
Symbols
The copy editor can learn much
about an author by looking for certain "symbols" in the
author's work.
For
instance, the consistent use of the words brilliant and
nice can be seen as a symbol of the writer's
frigidity.
The
constant use of would to point out disagreement or
disapproval (as in "I would point out . . .") shows that the
author is a snob.
Overuse of such words as petty, small, and chicken
feed mean the author is cheap and will probably haggle
over your bill.
Then
the tendency to use quotation marks where italics (or no
highlighting at all) should be used (and this, in a day and
age when personal computers put the power of italicization in
everyone's hands) shows that the author has all the
education of a street child in Tierra del Fuego (translation:
`Tierra of the Fuego'), and I am not even sure they have
streets in Tierra del Fuego, let alone children.
Lastly, any perceived preoccupation on the author's part with
bottles of beer on the wall probably means that you, the copy
editor, should find a new job, and very possibly, an entirely new occupation.
I would point out that the brilliant but small
row of "bottles" of beer on the wall . . . (Author is
frugal, snobbish, alcoholic Neanderthal; also used three
consecutive prepositional phrases, the cad!)
5 % of the 0==(____) of BeeR on the ] . . . (author
spends Saturday nights swigging boilermakers and producing
ridiculous Web sites.)
Percentages
Use the
percent symbol (%) if you are earning a fixed rate, and the
word percent if you are charging by the letter. If you
are earning an hourly wage, type the word very slowly to be
sure you spell it correctly, and if the author or publisher
questions, refer him/her to this guide, or to Vinnie "the Ox"
Salvadorivisch in the Bronx, whose telephone number you will
find in the appendix.
In
addition, always use numerals with percentages, even in common
text, unless of course it is dialogue or the number comes at
the beginning of the sentence, in which cases you should turn
the author in to the police.
Approximately 50 p e r c e n
t (paid by hour) of the
Senate voted to overturn the House motion and have the
chamber's members eaten.
60 percent of the eaten representatives . . .
(dial 911)
. . . of the bottles of beer on the wall, 6
percent of the beer. . . .
Decimal
Fractions
Be serious! No one understands these
things, except of course for economics students. (Actual
economists forget all their math as a prerequisite for
graduating from university; imagine how little sense they
would make if they used complicated math to back up their
typical dribble!)
If authors or publishers actually expect you, a
competent and proud copy editor, to deal with decimal
fractions, sextuple your fee.1 When they are
finished looking up the word sextuple in the dictionary
to be sure that they have not just been propositioned, tell
them they can pay your price or go find an accountant, most of
whom are in Beverly Hills or on their yachts these days.
Should they call your bluff and agree to the higher fee, it is
suggested that you use a little of the extra pay to hire an
assistant—an economics student from your local university.
This does not have to be a
particularly good or knowledgeable student; approximation will
suffice, since no one, not the authors, publishers, or
readers, is likely to understand anything as
complicated-sounding as decimal fractions, anyway.
Of course, the approximations can
be hidden by embellishing them with a lot of abbreviations.
(See the Abbreviations entry above.)
A ratio of 0.18 % sq. rt.'ed < psi when
considered larger than the word
Republican.
It is said that a mean 0.37 of B.O.W. is
actually backwash.2
E = MC * MC
0.27 sixteenths of the beer spilled to the floor
in an accident with a cow and a sofa. We had to begin again
at ninety-nine. Also, call 911.
* FOOTNOTE 1: Ralph's Manual of Style, The Web
Site, will soon feature a special dictionary section listing
words and terms that have nothing to do with either the human
reproductive or digestive systems but sound as if they
do-—words that are a lot of fun to stick into business reports
and letters of resignation.
* FOOTNOTE
2: B.O.W. = Beer on Wall. Take some advice: Never pass bottles
around, especially if you have ninety-nine bottles to begin
with. This is not a matter of style so much as a matter
of basic intelligence.
Copyright, 2005, by Ralph.
Note: This section is under
construction, which is strange, since "construction" does not
sound like something that one can actually be under.
Anyhow, new entries will be added periodically, which is a
very cool word. For more information on periodically,
see the future section on punctuation, which is at this
time still looking for some sort of construction under which
to get.
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